


Shattered

by Sabishiioni



Series: Pieces [1]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Job, Broken Bones, Character Death, Family Feels, Frottage, Gods I hope I got all of them..., M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Slash, mentions of self harm, sex scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-31
Packaged: 2017-12-06 11:10:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/735002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sabishiioni/pseuds/Sabishiioni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kili loses everything including hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit  
> Warnings: Read them  
> Follow Me:[Tumblr](http://sabishiioni.tumblr.com/)  
> Mindless Babble: As stated in the warnings, this is angsty, there is a character death and triggering material and a sex scene, which by my usual standards is really tame. You have been warned.

Kili tucked his arm closer to his body in a futile effort to stay warm. The rain hadn’t let up since he had left Erabor. That was…two days ago? Three? The dwarf shook his head, trying to clear his foggy thoughts. He wondered if anyone had missed him.

He tucked his head, trying to pretend that it was the rain that ran down his cheek. No one would miss him, not after what he had done. It had been a simple, harmless prank. He hadn’t expected Ori to be so upset that he would accidentally hurt himself. Of course, he hadn’t expected to kiss his brother the morning of the accident either. A strangled sob escaped him as he remembered the anger in those blue eyes he loved so much, the pain in his jaw from Fili’s fist not even close to what he felt in his heart.

In all honesty, he hoped it was death that took him into the darkness.

***  
Dark eyes fluttered open, focusing on the fire in front of him. He moaned softly as he woke, his body alerting him to his injuries. Still, he was warm and that was nice.

“Good, yer awake.”

The young dwarf flinched as Dwalin reached for him. The larger man frowned.

“Kili, I need ta see if yer fever gettin’ worse…”

The younger dwarf froze, his body as taut as the string on his beloved bow, the one he had left in his room in Erabor. Dwalin gently rested his hand against the pale forehead. He sighed, confirming his fears.

“We need ta get ya back home.” He tried to smile comfortingly. “It’s a good thing I’ve been out patrolling this past week or I never woulda found ya.”

Kili finally looked at him, pain evident in his eyes. “So…you weren’t looking for me?”

The large dwarf shook his head. “No, there’ve been reports o’ orcs…” He trailed off as he saw the other slowly withdraw into himself- his eyes losing focus, his breath hitching and his body curling into a ball.

“Kili…” He stopped when he realized the young prince no longer heard him. Looking outside, the warrior came to the harsh realization that he couldn’t wait for the storm to let up. His eyes softened with sorrow as he put out the tiny fire he had lit to try to warm the cave they were in. They had to leave now if he were to get his young charge the medical help he needed.

He turned back to Kili, remembering how had found the lad huddling under a ledge that didn’t offer much protection. There was no reason for him to be out in the open like that. Then Dwalin had checked the unconscious prince and found the lump in his leg. The broken bone thankfully hadn’t broken the skin, but there were enough open wounds to make up for it. 

Having no other choice, he bundled up the unresponsive dwarf in his coat and stepped back into the rain.

***  
Dwalin glared at the healer that approached them. “Where’s Oin?”

“He’s busy with another patient at the moment,” the dwarf replied stiffly, as he started to remove layers of soaked cloth from the motionless body on the bed. “It’s just a broken leg and a couple of minor wounds. He doesn’t need to be bothered.”

The warrior growled, not pleased with the healer’s attitude. “Ye do realize this is one o’ tha princes, aye?”

“I do. But without the title, he is just another dwarf that has an injury. I can handle it.” The healer looked up. “Your presence is not required.”

Nostrils flared as Dwalin was rather rudely dismissed. The slight against Kili had not gone unnoticed either. Still, it would do no good to harm the one person that could help the injured archer. For now, at least.

“I’ll be waiting outside.”

“There’s no need to.” The healer had finally reached the pale skin. It still held a bluish hue from the cold. “I can send him on his way when he has been treated.”

Dwalin ground his teeth biting back his first reply. “I’d feel better if there was someone to help him since his uncle and brother are busy…running the kingdom…”

If his threat had any effect, the old healer did not react. Instead, he started to remove Kili’s heavy boots. “Whatever suits you…”

His body trembling with barely contained rage, Dwalin stalked out. Taking a seat on a bench near the door, he settled in to wait.

***  
He was not awoken by a healer or an assistant. No, Dwalin woke to a soft whimper of pain as Kili tried to make his way from the room. He lurched to his feet, trying to shake off the last visages of sleep.

“Kili!”

The other dwarf flinched, much the way he had in the cave. He looked over his shoulder, dark eyes wide with fear. “Mister Dwalin?”

Running a hand over his face, the older warrior looked at Kili. He frowned, noticing that the young prince still had on his bloody, torn and wet clothes. His injuries had been taken care of but he limped with just a brace on his leg.

“Didn’t they give ya some crutches or somet’ing?”

“He said…they didn’t have any they could spare.”

Dwalin sighed, silently swearing his vengeance on the healer. Oin would hear of this! He offered his arm to Kili who tentatively took it. “Come on, I’ll help you back ta yer room. Yer brother can figure somet’ing then.”

Kili shook his head. “I don’t belong there anymore…Fili kicked me out.”

“Blessed Aulë! I go away fer a week and tha world goes ta hell.” He growled softly as they started to make their way from the healing halls. “So where have ya been stayin’?”

“I…I have a room in the East Wing.”

Dwalin stopped dead. Even before the coming of Smaug, the East Wing had been a rough place. Miners made up most of the population. Miners and taverns.

“Why didn’t you go ta yer uncle’s?”

Kili lowered his head. “He’s angry with me. I hurt Ori.”

Dwalin blinked. He had heard something about the young scribe having an accident, but he had been assured before he left that he was fine. He would have pressed for more details if the body he held hadn’t been trembling so badly.

“Fine. Ya can bunk with me fer now.”

Kili tried to pull away. “N...no…it’s okay…my place isn’t that bad…”

Dwalin held on. “An’ my place is betteh.”

The younger held his ground. “No, please…I don’t want to hurt you too…”

Blue grey eyes saddened. “Kili, yer hurtin’ me now by not lettin’ me help ya.”

“I’m sorry.” The softly spoken reply came as the smaller dwarf gave in, letting Dwalin to guide him back to the older dwarf’s quarters.

Once there, Dwalin set his charge on a pile of soft furs in front of the fire place which he hastened to light. It only took a few minutes before there was a roaring fire going. Once it was, he turned back to Kili, who hadn’t moved a muscle.

“I’ll get ya one o’ my shirts so ya can get out of those wet clothes.” 

The other gave no response, his dark eyes fixed on the flames. Dwalin sighed, heading to his bedroom. He returned a few minutes later with a light blue tunic and a towel. After laying the towel near the fire to warm it, he knelt in front of Kili. Seeing no response in the other, he started to remove the wet clothing, carefully removing the tattered remains of the young dwarf’s top after the healer had cut it.

Dwalin’s eyes were drawn to the barely healed battle scars that littered the dark haired chest. He knew that Kili had collected more than his fair share of wounds during the Battle of Five Armies; he just never realized how bad they had been. The youngest never spoke of any of it, simply hovering between his brother and uncle as they healed. It was only now that Kili sat in front of him, bare to the waist, that Dwalin realized how much pain he must have hidden to stay with his family.

A family that had apparently rejected him because of a stupid mistake. 

Dwalin slid the shirt over Kili’s head and gently slipped the sleeve over scarred arms. He tried to ignore how some of the fresher cuts looked self-inflicted. Then he reached for the now warm towel and draped it across the dark hair, scrubbing it dry.

“Feelin’ betteh?”

Dark eyes finally focused as Kili dipped his head. “…thank you.”

“Alright. I’m gonna get ya some food from the kitchens. I’ll be right back.”

The young dwarf looked up in a panic. “Please don’t tell anyone else I’m here!”

Dwalin took that to mean, ‘Please don’t tell Thorin or Fili that I’m here’. He nodded, feeling that the young archer needed time to himself. “Fine, but when I come back, we’re goin’ ta have a nice long talk.”

Shoulders slumped but Kili nodded. Dwalin gently brushed back some of the dark hair, noticing that the silver clip was missing. Still, he was pleased that there had been no flinching this time.

“I’ll be back soon.”

The last thing he saw before he left was Kili turning his head to stare into the flames again.

***  
The trip took a little longer than he had told Kili. As soon as his front door was closed, Dwalin had decided that Kili would stay with him for as long as was needed for his family to forgive him. With that in mind, he tracked down the place where he had been living.

The image of the hovel would be forever burned into the warrior’s vision. There had been no furniture and only a tiny fire pit to keep the drafty shack somewhat warm. A ratty blanket had served as a bed while a few articles of clothing and Kili’s beloved bow and quiver were the only other things in the filthy single room. Dwalin had passed several passed out miners on his way in and out, and several more that watched him with suspicious eyes, which made him feel more confident in his decision.

His next stop had been the royal kitchen where he was greeted by Bombur who had smiled warmly at him. At least until he saw the bow and quiver attached to Dwalin’s back. Then he had turned cold and bluntly told the warrior to take what he needed and leave. 

Dwalin sighed and schooled his features into his normal gruff expression before he opened the door. The fire was still roaring, casting an orange glow over the room and across the huddled ball in front of it. Setting the few items of Kili’s and the food on the table, he moved over to the ball and pulled a knitted blanket Ori had made for him from his arm chair. As he draped it over the young dwarf, he realized Kili was asleep. Hearing a soft whimper, the older dwarf sat down and gently laid Kili’s head in his lap as calloused hands gently brushed back the wavy hair. The cries stilled and it seemed that the prince had at last fallen into a peaceful sleep.

Dwalin kept watch over his friend, feeling as if someone else should have been the one to keep the nightmares at bay.

***  
The next morning, Dwalin helped Kili take a bath and get cleaned up around the brace on his leg. If the prince had any embarrassment with the warrior helping him, he didn’t show it. It was actually the opposite, with Kili leaning into the Dwalin’s strokes with the washcloth as if desperate to feel the touch of another dwarf making Dwalin blush. Not that Kili looked up to notice.

“How long has it been since ya had contact wit’ tha others?”

Kili stared at his hands under the water. “Just a little over a week.”

That may not have been a long time for most, but Dwalin knew how much family and friends meant to Kili. For him, it might as well been a lifetime.

“All this o’er a prank gone wrong?”

“Ori got hurt. He was knocked out and didn’t wake for almost a day.” Kili tried to blink back the tears but failed. “I tried to apologize…”

Dwalin rubbed gentle circles across the heavily scarred back. “But they wouldn’t hear it…”

Kili shook his head. “Nori… he pulled his sword on me. No one stopped him so I ran. I tried to go back to Fili…but he threw me out.”

“Why?”

“I…I did a terrible thing to him.” He finally broke down completely, sobbing into his hands.

Dwalin pulled the youngling to his chest, not caring about the wetness that soaked his shirt. “It’ll be alright, Kili. They’ll forgive you.”

“They hate me…”

“So, ya were runnin’ away from them when I found ya?”

He was surprised by the negative movement on his chest. “No. Nori was right- all I ever do anymore is hurt people.”

“Ya haven’t hurt me.”

“Yet.” The reply was muffled, but not enough for Dwalin to miss the pain in that one tiny word.

“Come on, lad. Let’s get ya out o’ the water and dried off ‘for ya get cold.”

Hiccupping, Kili complied. Soon he was once again sitting by the fire, wrapped in towels and warm blankets Dwalin had taken from his bed. The older dwarf knelt next to the younger and handed him a mug of tea.

“This should help bring down that fever.” 

Kili sipped it, once again entranced by the flames.

“What is it ‘bout the fire that keeps yer attention?”

“It reminds me of Fili.” He blinked, looking down at his tea. He set it on the floor. “The color is like his hair in summer and it moves like he does when he’s fighting, smooth and fast…”

Dwalin leaned over to brush away the tears. “I’m sure he’ll forgive ya fer whatever ya did.”

“No…he can’t. None of them will. I shouldn’t be with others…”

Remembering the way the healer had treated Kili, the way Bombur had turned cold at the sight of the bow, and the story about Nori threatening the young prince, Dwalin began to wonder if the other dwarf was right. Then he thought of how Kili had always been the first to breakfast so he could give hugs to others in the company as they arrived for the one meal they made sure to eat together. He was the one who cheered others when things were looking bad with a smile and a gentle touch. Even the ill-fated prank was probably done to cheer the resident scribe. It broke his heart to think of the once bright and cheerful archer being abandoned like this. He pulled Kili to his chest.

“Don’t say that. Ya belong here just as much as any o’ them.”

Dark eyes that still held tears looked up at him. “Maybe, but apparently none of them even realized I was gone. I was out there for two or three days.”

“Mahal…” he breathed. Whether it was a plea for Kili or simply an expression of shock, he didn’t know. “Where were ya headed?”

“Mirkwood.”

Dwalin blinked as he turned the thought over in his head. Kili may have made friends with a few of the elves, but he still hated the forest and usually avoided it all cost. Even friendship wasn’t a strong enough pull for him. The answer came to him with horrifying clarity. There was only one other thing in the dark forest.

“Kili, please tell-” He was cut off by the press of lips against his own. He grabbed Kili’s shoulders and pushed him back. “What…?!”

The younger dwarf cringed, as if waiting to be hit, whimpering. “I’m sorry…please… I’m sorry…I just…”

Someone had struck him before, probably for doing the same thing. “Kili, I’m not goin’ ta hurt ya, lad.”

Instead, he gently cupped the other’s face, bringing it closer for another chaste kiss. He pulled back when he felt a hand sliding under his tunic. Putting some space between them, Dwalin regarded Kili.

“What are ya playing at?”

It was obvious that Kili had taken the older dwarf’s words and actions as rejection. He sat back slightly, his eyes glued to the floor. When he spoke, it was barely above a whisper. “I…I’m sorry, Mister Dwalin. I know I’m…ugly…but I was hoping…maybe if you closed your eyes…you could pretend I was the one you love…just…just for a little bit?”

“Why do ya want this so badly?” Dwalin could see Kili withdrawing again and firmly clasped the shoulders he still held.

“I just want to feel again. Something other than pain…”

Dwalin felt his breath hitch. Someone else had said that to him a long time ago. He had agreed back then and he knew he would now.

He drew the smaller body towards him, bringing their lips together again. His lips parted at the other’s cautious tongue, letting out a small moan of pleasure. The kiss lasted until both were breathless from it and they mutually broke apart.

After a moment, Dwalin pushed the blankets from Kili’s body, drinking in the sight of the young warrior’s body, for that was truly what it was. Though far more slender than most dwarves, it was still carved with taut muscles and scarred, pale skin, dark hair covering the toned chest, trailing down to, well…The lad was definitely of Durin descent.

“Mahal, Kili. Yer anything but ugly…” Dwalin gave into temptation, letting his hands run across the hard body. “Yer beautiful…”

The pink that colored the young cheeks just made him all that more alluring. Dwalin felt his reservations slip as he crawled between Kili’s legs, driving him to his back on the pile of furs. He kissed away the remaining tears.

“Ya sure this is what ya want, lad?”

Kili wrapped his bare arms around the other’s neck. “Positive, Mister Dwalin.”

Chuckling softly, the older dwarf dipped his head to pepper the younger’s jaw and throat with soft kisses. He refused to be anything but gentle with this treasure he had been given. Besides, he still had to be careful with the other’s broken leg.

Hearing Kili’s quiet moan of pleasure spurned Dwalin to move down, kissing along the collar bone to the hair brushed chest. Once there, he let his tongue lather a pert nipple while he brought up a hand to tease the other. He grinned, feeling hands stroking his hairless scalp and running into his mess of light brown hair. A soft sound of desire escaped his lips as Kili accidentally tugged on his hair.

“Mister Dwalin….”

He chuckled. “Ya know I love it when ya call me that, don’t ya?” He started nipping the skin that stretched across battle hardened stomach muscles, teasing the other.

A soft whine escaped Kili. “Please…Mister Dwalin…”

The older dwarf knew what the younger wanted and finally took pity on him. He slid a hand down the other’s body to wrap around the hard shaft. He watched through his lashes as he took just the tip into his mouth, letting his tongue play. The warrior was rewarded by the flush of arousal across the archer’s face. If he had been beautiful before, Kili was absolutely breathtaking now. 

Dwalin noticed the half lidded eyes were watching him, the lust not quite covering the fear in those dark eyes. He pulled off and considered the other. “What is it?”

Eyes opening wider, Kili looked away. “I guess…I’m still waiting for you to reject me…”

“I’ll not do that ta ya lad. I swear it.”

Finally, he looked at Dwalin. The young prince hesitantly brushed the other’s cheek with a hand not propping himself up. “I…I want to believe you…”

“I’ll prove it ta ya.” With a grin he returned to his previous ministrations, taking more of the dwarf into his mouth. He inwardly laughed as Kili fell back onto the furs with a loud moan. Dwalin let the hard flesh slide into his throat, relishing the way the young body arched and writhed. He kept going until his nose was tickled by short hairs before pulling back and off.

As Kili lay panting, Dwalin turned around to open a small box on the side table that stood next to his chair. He withdrew a bottle wrapped in silk. As he turned back he found that he was again being watched though, this time, there was no fear. Only lust and curiosity lay in those beautiful features.

“This is some oil that Oin gave me ta relax sore muscles. It warms on skin contact…”

Kili licked his lips in eagerness, unconsciously parting his legs some. “Please…before you do that…could I see you?”

Touched by both Kili’s trust in him as well as his desire, Dwalin smiled. He slipped off his damp tunic before loosening the ties on his breeches. He ever so slowly pushed them off his hips, amused by his soon-to-be young lover’s impatient stare. Soon enough, though, they were off and Dwalin kneeled naked in front of his prince.

“Mister…Dwalin…” Kili’s eyes took in the large fighter with something akin to awe. “You are magnificent!”

It was Dwalin’s turn to blush and Kili couldn’t resist a soft giggle. “I’ve made the mighty dwarf warrior blush-mark this day on the calendar!”

“Com’ere, ya brat…” Dwalin grinned as one arm snaked behind the slender body the other going to the injured leg. Carefully, he maneuvered the other into his lap, legs wrapped around his waist. “There- that’s betteh.”

Grinning, Kili looped his arms around Dwalin’s neck, leaning forward so he could tuck his head under Dwalin’s chin. “Aye, it is.”

Dwalin took the moment to close his eyes and just savor the moment. He could still feel the heat radiating off the smaller body and some part of his brain was telling him this was a bad idea. Another, larger part was enjoying every second he had with the prince. It felt good to have a warm body in his arms, and even better knowing who it was.

Then Kili shifted and Dwalin could feel that both of them were more than ready to take the next step. He picked up the bottle and coated his fingers with the liquid.

“Last chance ta back out, Kili…”

He felt the other shake his head. “No, I want this…if you’re still willing to give it…”

Dwalin said nothing as he hugged the smaller body with one arm, pressing a finger against the tight ring of muscle. He felt Kili tense up and started to rub gentle circles on the scarred back.

“It’s alright…just relax. Ya know tha pain goes away soon.” 

Kili relaxed some and Dwalin was able to push his finger inside. He bit his lip and fought to keep control. The young dwarf was so tight! It took everything he was not to just take him right then. But he knew he couldn’t do that to Kili. He would never hurt him.

After a few moments, he added a second digit. This time, Kili seemed to welcome the intrusion, moaning softly as his breathing sped up. Blunted nails raised welts across Dwalin’s back as he added a third.

He withdrew his fingers, a little more than eager to replace them with something else. He reached again for the vial when a smaller hand stopped him. Dwalin looked at a blushing Kili.

“Let me return the favor?”

Smiling, Dwalin handed the bottle to Kili. The younger poured some of the liquid into his hand and looked at the elder, almost afraid.

“You won’t hurt me, Kili.”

Biting his lip, the prince nodded. He slid his hand between them and took both of them, stroking their hardened flesh together. Dwalin let out an appreciative moan before he leaned in to kiss the other dwarf with a passion that startled even him. Kili gradually picked up speed as he tried to deepen the kiss, until Dwalin stopped him, laying his hand on the one that was pleasuring them both. 

“N…no…Not yet. I wanna feel you, my Prince.”

Panting, Kili nodded. “I…I want that too, Mister Dwalin.”

Before he could catch his breath, strong arms took the lean body and positioned it over his weeping cock. In an impressive display of self-control, Dwalin slowly lowered Kili, impaling him with his thick hardness. The lad’s grip on his shoulders tightened as he was ever so carefully penetrated. Dwalin let out a long, deep throated moan as he felt the warm tightness surrounding him. He opened his eyes as he felt himself fully sheathed in that heavenly warmth.

“Kili, breath…”

Dark eyes snapped open as Kili gasped, not realized he had been holding his breath. “It didn’t hurt…as much as I thought it would.”

Dwalin chuckled softly, though his voice was strained. “I’m not that big.”

Kili blushed and gave an experiment roll of his hips, causing both of them to gasp with pleasure. Dwalin brushed back some dark hair so he could see his lover better in the glow of the hearth fire. He leaned in for a gentle kiss.

“That’s it, Kili. Take control. This is for you.”

He could see the apprehension in the other and had a sudden thought that the prince may have been abused. It would explain how fearful he had become at the kiss, how hesitant he had been to doing anything without Dwalin’s permission, why he flinched away from touches or loud voices. The older dwarf brought up both hands to cup the other’s face bringing him closer for a passionate kiss. He felt Kili’s smaller hands mimic him, coming to rest on his cheeks. He would ask, but not now. Kili needed this and as loath as he was to admit it, he needed it too.

Slowly, the young dwarf started to roll his hips, setting a comfortable rhythm for the two of them as they continued to kiss. Dwalin lowered a hand to stroke the prince in time with the thrusting and tasted the moan of ecstasy that came from him. Hands left his cheeks to gently tug on his hair, causing him to make just as much noise.

A leg tightened around his waist as Kili began to roll his hips faster, his movement become needier, more frantic. He broke the kiss so he could cling to Dwalin who let go to hold him tightly and moved against the plunging body, driving himself deeper into his lover. Their gasps and moans filled the room.

Dwalin suddenly felt Kili tighten around him and a warm liquid coat his stomach. Near his ear, he heard a sound like a quiet sob. For as much as he wanted to make sure his lover wasn’t hurt, the clenching around him sent him over the edge as he filled the prince with a cry of sheer bliss. They clung to each other, riding out their orgasms in a tight embrace. 

Finally, Kili went limp in Dwalin’s arms. The older worriedly moved his lover off of his softening flesh and gently laid him on the furs.

“Kili? Are ya hurt?”

The prince shook his head, smiling up at Dwalin. “No, I’m fine. Better than fine, really.”

“Then why are ya cryin’?” Calloused finger carefully wiped away the tears that were rolling across flushed cheeks.

“I’m happy. I’m happy that you allowed me to touch you, that I was able to make you happy.” He looked away, a little shyly. “I’m happy you were my first.”

It took a few seconds for that last statement to sink in. When it did, Dwalin’s expression went from happily satiated to horrified. Fear crept back into Kili’s eyes as the older dwarf sat back.

“Kili…I’m yer first?” He huffed heavily at the timid nod and said a few choice words in Khuzadul. Then he got to his feet and grabbed his clothes. “Yer first…they’re supposed to be as special as yer One! Someone ya love that loves ya back! He shook his head as he finished slipping on his breeches and tunic. “I need some air…”

He left after slipping on his boots, never seeing the stricken look on the young dwarfs face.

***  
“Dwalin?”

The warrior may or may not have cringed at the voice of his king. Still, he turned and offered a slight bow. “King Thorin.”

“I heard you had returned and was a little worried that you hadn’t reported to me.”

Dwalin blinked. It took him a few moments to remember what Thorin was talking about. Between finding Kili and what happened this morning, his mind was not quite as sharp as it normally was. 

“Oh…aye- the orcs.” He shook his head to clear it. “I found a few ol’ fire pits but no recent signs. I don’t think we have anything ta worry about.”

Thorin nodded. “Good. Walk with me?”

Dwalin fell into step with his king. “There’s something else on yer mind?”

“Aye…” Thorin worried his lip. “I have not seen my youngest sister-son in a week. I gathered the others in hopes that someone will have a clue as to where he is.”

Only nodding in reply, Dwalin followed the dwarf king to the chamber where they usually had their meals together. Ten dwarves were already waiting for them. Some seemed distracted, as was the case of Fili, while others seemed bored. One in particular caught Dwalin’s eye and he was unable to repress the surge of anger.

Slamming Nori against the wall, the warrior growled, “If you ever threaten either one o’ the princes e’er again, I will make sure that ya be regrettin’ it fer tha rest of yer very short life!”

“Dwalin! Put him down! Now!”

His loyalty was so deeply engrained in him, the warrior instantly followed his kings order. Nori fell to the ground but managed to glare up at the tall dwarf. He slowly got to his feet.

“He deserved it for what he did to my brother!”

A strong hand on his shoulder stopped Dwalin from attacking Nori again. “Would one of you care to explain what is going on?”

“He threatened Kili wit' a bared blade!”

“I had to or it would’ve never gotten through that thick skull of his!”

Thorin turned to face Nori, his blue eyes icy in their gaze. “You threatened my youngest nephew?”

The sudden comprehension of what he had done dawned on the dwarf thief. “I…I was angry. Ori was hurt…bleeding…I didn’t think.”

“Threaten him again and you will not have to worry about Dwalin…”

Nori wisely bowed his head. “Understood.”

Thorin turned to his old friend. “You knew. How?”

Swallowing, Dwalin took a step back. “Kili is in my quarters. I brought him back from the wilds last night.”

“What…what was he doing out there in the storm?”

Dwalin turned his head to look at the speaker. Now that he was closer the older dwarf could see that Fili was a wreck. It looked as if he hadn’t slept in a week and probably had hardly eaten in that time. His braids were messy and obviously done in haste. But there was a pleading in his eyes that told Dwalin that he was truly worried for his brother.

“He was headed ta Mirkwood.”

“Why on Middle Earth would he be headed there in such a tempest?” Dori sat next to a very upset Ori. The youngest brother had not known what his brother had done in the aftermath of the accident. Dwalin noticed the small stuffed toy he clutched in his trembling hands: a small, silly looking spider.

“There are only two things in Mirkwood an’ I fear Kili was not going ta see tha elves.”

Thorin was the first to realize what Dwalin meant. The blood rushed from his face. “The spiders…”

Fili looked as if he had seen a ghost. “Kili…wanted to die?”

The anger for his lover’s pain surfaced again. “That would be what happens when all the lad holds dear is torn from him.”

“What do ye mean? We’ve been here…” 

Dwalin turned to stare at Gloin. “Have ya? I brought Kili in wit’ a broken leg and yer brother wouldn’t see him. I wanted ta get a hot meal fer him but I was only allowed ta take cold cuts back ta him. An’ with tha drawing of a sword, Kili couldn’t even apologize fer his mistake!”

“He doesn’t need to apologize! Not to me!” Ori stood up and ignored the hushing of his eldest brother. He moved to stand in front of Dwalin, holding the toy. “He made this for me. I know he placed it where I would find it because he knows how much I fear spiders now. I know in my heart he was just trying to help…”

Dwalin felt his heart go out to the young scribe. He was the one dwarf that would have helped Kili if he had known. He place a gentle hand on the other’s shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Tears fell from distressed eyes.

“Dwalin…I think we all owe Kili an apology.” Thorin looked at his old friend, an expression of sorrow upon his face. “Will you allow us to speak to him?”

The warrior swallowed. “Aye… but there is something else ya should know…something fer yer’s an’ Fili’s ears only.”

Thorin nodded as he turned to the rest of the company. “Those who wish to see Kili, wait outside. The rest may go where they wish.”

Nine dwarves bowed their heads and left, Balin stopping to give his brother an understanding pat on his back.

“Now, what is it that you needed to tell us?”

Dwalin felt his nerve giving out. Fili was trembling like an autumn leaf in a breeze and Thorin… there was a storm brewing under that mask of calm he always wore. The old warrior swallowed and looked down at the floor.

“I was Kili’s first…” he finally blurted.

Seconds of silence ticked by before Thorin found his voice. “When…?”

“This morning.” Dwalin swallowed dryly. “I didn’t know, I swear on Durin’s name, I didn’t know. He was…not unskilled…”

“Were you gentle?” The softly spoken question came from Fili, who had tears running down his face. 

“Of course! I swore I would never let any o’ ya ta come ta harm!”

Thorin nodded. “Then…it was a good choice.”

“No it wasn’t!” Had he had all of his senses about him, Dwalin surly would have been horrified to feel his own tears running into his beard. “He should have been with someone he loved! I’m sorry…I’m so sorry…”

Fili’s gentle hand on his chest stopped his babbling. “Are you sorry it happened?”

Dwalin took a shaky breath before replying. “No. I’m only sorry it wasn’t with you…”

A smile almost lit on the young heir’s lips. “Aye, it should have been mine, but …I pushed him away. I made him fear me…”

The older dwarf's eyes widened in sudden understanding. “Ya…yer tha one that hit him…”

Fili bowed his head in shame. “Aye, and it haunts me. I need to make this right.”

“Then let us go talk to Kili together.” Thorin said, clasping both shoulders, giving Fili a pointed look that warned of a long talk later.

Both nodded, following after their king. Outside the room, nine dwarves rose to their feet, ready to set things right with the young dwarf prince.

***  
“Kili? I’m sorry but there are…” Dwalin looked around his home, not finding the one he looked for. The others followed him inside. “Kili?”

Fili had wandered over to the table where his brother’s bow and quiver still lay. He was reaching for the bow when a scrap of paper caught his eye. Frowning, he picked it up. 

“Dwalin…” He held out the note with a shaky hand.

The warrior carefully took and read it. He fell to his knees as if the wind had been knocked from him. Fresh tears appeared on his face even as he struggled to rein in his emotions.

_“I’m sorry. Nori was right. I hurt the ones I love. I’m sorry- I never wanted to hurt you.”_

Dwalin looked up to find Fili frantically dumping the arrows from the quiver and searching the inside. The young dwarf paled even more as he withdrew his hand. In it lay two vials of clear liquid.

“A vial is missing! We need to find my brother, now!”

“Why? What are those?” Bofur asked, cautiously approaching the distressed prince.

“Poison. Kili coats his arrows for orcs…”

A thick silence settled on the company before Dwalin got to his feet. “I think I know where he might’ve gone…”

Blue eyes locked onto him. “Where?!”

“East Wing. He has a …place there.”

Thorin wrapped an arm around Fili, knowing that there was not much left holding his eldest sister-son together. Balin nudged his brother, letting Dwalin know he was there for him. When the moment of shock passed, even Bifur mumbled what sounded like a curse before he moved with the others to door.

***  
Kili sat near the cold fire pit, staring at it. He didn’t feel the coldness in the air, nor did he feel the biting pain from his broken leg. He felt…numb. All those he loved, now hated him. What he had shed so much blood for, now seemed to reject him. There was nothing left for the young dwarf. Not in this world and he doubted there would be anything for him in the next.

He uncorked the small phial and downed the contents in one gulp. It would be slow, since it was supposed to be introduced straight into the bloodstream. He didn’t care. There was nothing left for him to do but lie down and wait anyways.

He once again wished that he could have made it to Mirkwood. He could have just disappeared without a trace. No one would have to worry about his body; the spiders would have taken care of that. A tear fell from a dark eye. There would be no stone burial for him. No one would mourn the passing of the spare successor to the throne. Not when there was Fili.

The pain returned with a vengeance as he thought of his brother. His chest clenched tightly in a way Kili knew had nothing to do with the poison. In his mind, he could see Fili sitting proudly next to Thorin. And standing near them both, would be Dwalin, guarding them both with his life. None of them would miss the small archer.

Kili sighed as a small smile appeared on his lips. It was a good image and he clung to it as he waited for his life to end.

***  
Dwalin was the first to burst through the rickety door with Fili and Thorin close on his heels. He was at Kili’s side in an instant, gently cradling his lover in his arms. Deep brown eyes fluttered open. 

“Oh…this is nice…a good dream to send me off…”

The older warrior glanced up at Fili who knelt in front of him, his hands holding one that was steadily growing colder. “A dream?”

Kili chuckled, though it was strained. “Of course this is a dream! The ones I love hate me- they wouldn’t be here.”

“We don’t hate you, Kili,” Fili whispered as he brought the hand to his lips.

Dwalin desperately glanced at Thorin who knelt at Kili’s head. “Where’s Oin?”

“He’ll be here.” They had sent the other members of the company away in pairs to guide Oin when he returned with his medicines. 

“Fili…it’s okay.” Kili’s voice now carried as if he were speaking through a thick fog. “I won’t be going to the halls of your fathers, so you'll never have to see me again.”

A strangled sob escaped Fili as he bent to roughly kiss his brother’s lips. “Don’t go…”

“Fili…?” Young eyes focused as fear found its way to the dwarf features. “Wait… you’re really here?”

Choking some, the young heir nodded. “Aye. So are Thorin and Dwalin. The others will be here soon. Please, Kili, don’t leave us! We have so much to make up for…”

“But…you don’t want me…”

“I was afraid, brother. I was afraid of what our people would think…and what they might do to you.” He caressed the nearly beardless cheek. “I was afraid because I love you so much…”

Kili blinked, still confused. “But…Dwalin…”

“Lad…ya misunderstood me.” The tattooed dwarf drew his lover’s attention. “I do love ya, Kili. I thought it was ya that didn’t love me.”

Fingers that were rough from decades of pulling a bow string brushed a brown bearded cheek. “I always loved you, Mister Dwalin…even though I also loved another…Just as much...”

When Gloin rushed into the small hut with Oin moments later, the rest of the company behind them, he found a huddled mess of mourning dwarves, clinging to one another, with a small, dark-haired dwarf in their center.

A dwarf who no longer drew breath.


	2. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit  
> Warnings: Read them  
> Mindless Babble: Sorry for the wait. Between the migraine from hell and personal issues, this took a bit longer than I expected. Also had to re-write part of it because I'm picky.
> 
> Thank you all for the comments, Kudos and bookmarks.

Thorin sat with Balin and Gloin, looking at a map of East Wing. Thorin wanted to essentially wipe the wing from existence with Balin and Gloin arguing that it would be better if the area was simply rebuilt much like the rest of Erebor. No one was quite sure who was winning.

At the other end of the table, Ori sat with his book open. At his side was Noir, who watched as the scribe sketched and spoke softly. Ori smiled and nodded in agreement, and moved to add something to his drawing. Every so often, he would touch the fuzzy toy spider that sat on the table with his book.

Bombur and Dori approached the table with trays of meats and cheeses, a kettle of stew and wine. It was dinner time and they insisted that everyone needed a break. The pair started to pile food onto plates and in bowls, setting them in front of the other dwarves. Tensions lifted as work was put away for the day and family came together.

Bofur and Bifur joined them from where they had been working on a new toy in a far corner of the room. They refused to tell anyone what it was though, saying they would see it when it was done. By the matching gleam in their eyes, it would be something truly special.

Oin came in and joined the gathering a few minutes later, sitting down between his brother and Thorin. A plate of food was set before him by Bombur while a goblet of wine was poured by Dori. He started to eat, knowing full well that everyone in the room was waiting for him to say something. He just loved building suspense and wondered who it would be to break first today.

Finally, Thorin could bear it no longer. “How are they?” He asked, raising his voice so the partially deaf dwarf would hear him.

“They are as well as can be expected.” The old dwarf smiled. “They haven’t eaten yet.”

Thorin stood before the others. “I will see to it that they are fed.”

The others in the company couldn’t help but to grin at the sight of their king, in all of his majestic glory, pick up the kettle and some bowls and spoons, striding for the door. None said anything against it, as they knew Thorin needed this, more than any of the rest. It was why Oin never had food sent to the missing members of the company. It was something they had all learned: there was more to healing than just medicine.

As he walked, Thorin found his thoughts traveling back to that terrible morning a week ago…

_“KILI!”_

_Fili’s heartbroken wail spurned Oin into action. He pushed past his brother and pulled the older prince away. He searched for a life-beat in the younger prince’s throat, finding that it was weak, but still there. Scrambling through his pouch, Oin pulled out a small but elegant green bottle. He ripped the cork out and filled a spoon with the crimson liquid. Lifting Kili’s head, he poured the contents into the young dwarf’s mouth._

_There was no response from Kili. Oin took him from Dwalin and laid him on the floor._

_“Fili! Breath fer yer brother!”_

_The blond blinked once before he leaned over and forced air into Kili’s lungs while Oin compressed the young dwarf’s chest. They worked together for what seemed like an eternity…_

Thorin knocked on the door before he entered. Fili sat alone at the small table, reading a book, or more accurately, staring at a page in a book. Thorin chuckled.

“Bombur made some stew. Tastes better than anything we had on the road.”

Fili gave his uncle a tired smile. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you.”

Thorin set the kettle on the table and dished out a bowl of the thick stew. He set it in front of his nephew before sitting down across from him. He smiled as the blond closed the book and picked up the spoon.

“Amazing- real vegetables even.”

His uncle laughed. “Aye, we do seem to have more of them now that we can grow crops again.”

Fili ate in silence for a bit before Thorin glanced at the bedroom door. “You just missed him. He was awake for about an hour. Got some of the broth into him before he fell asleep again. He’s doing better every day.”

“That is good news. This past week has been trying on all of us, but most of all for him.”

“Aye…but at least he’s not alone.”

“No, I am glad he has you, Fili.”

The young heir smiled. “You have another stop?”

“Aye. One more before I go back to trying to convince Balin and Gloin to destroy that wretched wing.”

“Sorry, Thorin, but I agree with them. East Wing has the potential to become something great.”

“Maybe… but rebuilding it won’t take away my revulsion of that horrid place.”

Fili set down his spoon. “Nor mine. I am…glad…that Kili opened our eyes to it though. I never knew there was such poverty here. ”

“Nor did I.” The king sighed. “The price was almost too high for that revelation, though.”

Biting his lip with a glance at the bedroom door, Fili nodded in agreement.

Thorin stood and firmly squeezed his nephews shoulder as he gestured to the stew pot. “I’ll leave this here for later. You might also want to stop by and let the others know that you still live.”

Fili chuckled. “I will.”

Thorin nodded and placed a kiss on his heir’s golden head before leaving.

***  
He stood before the door, taking a steading breath. It had been several days since last he visited. It was simply too painful, too many ghosts of memories. What lay beyond the door was sacred territory, not only for him, but for those he considered family.

Taking one last deep breath, Thorin knocked on the door. Dwalin answered with a smile.

_Oin frowned. Had he been too late? No, he couldn’t be. ‘Please Blessed Aule, don’t take him from us- not like this!’_

_As if answering the silent plea, Kili’s back arched off the floor as he suddenly drew breath on his own. Both Fili and Dwalin fell back, their eyes blown wide with shock. Even Thorin had an expression of surprise on his regal features._

_“Oin…That was no dwarf made bottle…”_

_“No, it and its contents are of elven make.” He smiled at his king as he started to check the young dwarf. “I believe there is an elven prince you own thanks to.”_

_Seeing Kili, not awake, but breathing, as well as the expressions of joy and relief on Fili and Dwalin’s faces forced the king to agree._

The smile was wiped from the tall dwarf’s face as panic set in. “Did somet’ing happen ta Kili?”

Thorin chuckled and shook his head. “No, he is fine. Apparently he even managed to stay awake for a full hour.”

Calmness replaced the agitation as Dwalin stepped back to allow his king and friend to enter his quarters. “I’m sorry- I know I have no claim ta him but I can’t help worrin’.”

“I understand. So does Fili.” He took a seat at the table as his friend sat across from him. “I think it might do them both some good to see you.”

“Maybe. I’m just not sure….how I fit inta their lives.” 

“Why did you agree to Kili’s request?”

Dwalin bowed his head. “He…he said something. Something you said ta me long ago…”

Thorin tilted his head, scowling as he thought back. His eyes closed as he remembered. “‘I want to feel something other than pain.’ ”

“Aye… An’ jus’ like ya were back then, so was he.”

Thorin stood, stepping over to Dwalin. He knelt in front of the man. “You took away my pain back then. Perhaps…I might return the favor, now?”

Blue grey eyes widened in surprise. “Eve’ knowin’ what I did wit’ Kili…?”

“What you did was give comfort to my youngest sister-son when there was no one else. You gave him part of yourself that he will cherish. And despite what you may think, Fili cherishes that part as well. You showed his brother kindness and gentleness, and for that he feels he is in your debt.” The king smiled as he reached up to gently stroke the bearded face. “As am I.”

“No debt is owed ta me…Thorin.” Dwalin gently mimicked the gesture, laying his hand on his king’s cheek.

Their lips met in a gentle, chaste kiss that lasted a moment before they indulged in longer, slightly more passionate kiss.

“Not here… not in front o’ tha fire…”

Thorin did not ask, only standing and holding out his hand. “Agreed.”

Dwalin took the offered hand and stood before leading Thorin to his bedroom.

***  
Balin smiled as he tidied up the common room the company used to gather and eat. He stacked the papers in neat piles, making sure the proposal he and Gloin had written for East Wing was on top. He made sure the crumbs were dusted off the table and plates and bowls were put in the tub for a servant to pick up later. Lastly, he made sure the coals were tended and would keep until morning.

His brother had not shown up as he usually did at the end of the day. Balin allowed a small, secret smile to come to his lips, because…neither had Thorin.

*  
Bombur smiled as he pulled the blanket higher over his brother and cousin. It was good to see the pair so happy after all the sorrow and hardships they had gone though. He chuckled as he ran a pudgy hand over the black and white hair, careful to avoid the broken axe head. It had been Bifur’s idea to create a “home” for Ori’s spider and the two of them had spent days carving and painting trees and stringing “web hammocks” for the toy Kili had made. 

Bombur liked to think that his kin were making the toy for two dwarves.

*  
Gloin and Oin sat comfortably in front of the warm hearth in their quarters, smoking their pipes in silence. There were no words needed to be said between them. Though they had not the bond their princes had, they were still brothers. Soon Gloin’s wife and child would be joining them and there would be commotion aplenty.

And so, the brothers enjoyed the moments of peace, simply happy to be in the presence of each other.

*  
Dori chuckled softly, wrapping his middle brother in a blanket. Nori had, as he so often did, fallen asleep in the chair next to Ori’s bed, watching the youngest sleep. After the accident, both of the older brothers had become rather overprotective of their young scribe. Well, more so, in Dori’s case. Still, Ori had been furious with them for their treatment of Kili. Dori had never seen his baby brother as angry as when he screamed at them. The fight had ended in many tears and hugs. 

So now the older brothers watched the youngest as he curled around the ever present toy spider, closer than ever before.

*  
Dwalin held Thorin as the king dozed on his chest, idly stroking the dark hair that seemed to have a bit more white than it did a week ago. This felt right, like coming home after a long journey. Home. Finally, after so long, that was what Erebor was.

Maybe, all Dwalin needed was the right dwarf to make it that way.

*  
Fili slipped between the sheets pulling his brother closer. Kili, still asleep, instinctively curled around the warmth. The elder felt his heart soar, as he brushed a lock of dark hair from the beautiful face. Dark eyes fluttered open briefly and a tired smile appeared. Fili couldn’t help but to lean in and kiss those upturned lips, grateful he had the chance to still do so. 

“’ove ya, Fi’i…” the young dwarf slurred, already falling back into slumber.

“I love you too, Kili.” Fili gently kissed his brother’s forehead before snuggling down in the blankets, holding his most prized treasure tightly in his arms.


End file.
